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Covid di Edin

 21.45 BST

My head is hurting. The right half due to covid.

My throat is itchy, ready to cough.

I have only started to read "Lelaki-lelaki tanpa perempuan" by Haruki Murakami. As mba Visya's flat mates, Claire(?), Murakami's books are oddly dreamy. I found it recently that his books are very weird. I mean the plot. What would you think if your partner cheat on you several times? Would you confront them or end the relationship? The answer for that question is do nothing, if you consult with one of the characters in the novel. They are absurd. But life isn't absurd. Life is just meaningless.

Absurdity gives life a meaning. To being absurd and odd. 

During my self-isolation, I watched many movies. Some of them are rewatch. I am starting to watch hobbit movies, hence maybe LOTR chronicles later. I rewatched the Imitation Game. ... Sorry I take a break to the washroom.

I am just a mere man. Now I can't write anything.

Yea, I like to watch near/post-apocalypse movies. I am fascinated by the imagination/creativity (i hate that word: creativity) of filmmaker about how humans would think and action when they are faced with such unavoidable fate. It makes me think, why do human perceive the apocalypse (in the film) very seriously, even though it might not be happened before they died naturally. Why don't they always think about death? 

No, I am not suicidal. I never been. Hopefully never in the future. But I always thinking about life, and its counterpart, death.

I mean, after I stopped performing my tradition. I am feeling lost. Because originally, the tradition guides me or rather make me not to question everything. Now I could do the questioning. But the problem is no one answering. 

Idk, at first, I just want to write about covid. Yea, yea, covid sucks. But I know this is partially my fault to not be aware of my surroundings. It's been 4 days and according to covidtest.scot website, I would be able to continue live normally after 5 days. I hope the test is turning negative on the 6th day. Let's see.

I have a weird life. 

I live without knowing anything. I mean everyone does. But I am still on point.

After from mba visya's birthday, I keep thinking and thinking. I was worried, confused, frightened, and saddened. That the old thing will re-happened in my life. I could not grasp the idea that we are as a human is powerless against fate, the already happening fate. I didn't want to fall into the same hole that torture my mind. Yea.

I found this song, "Traingazing" by Sam Wills. It tells about someone who sees someone else in a train. Then daydreaming about knowing, loving, and live together with that person. And before they know it, the dream is stopped as the train reach their destination. Well, it's kind of heartwarming, the idea of another life. But no one knows. Maybe that is for the best.

22.22 BST

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